Monday Morning Stories With Mookie - Episode 15

The Time Mookie and Russ Laughed At Russ' Annoying Girlfriend

The year “Russ” (*) and I lived in the old Funke Apartments was a good year.  We both made it through our classes at the local community college, and we both worked enough to be considered full-time employees at our respective jobs.  Not least of all, we also had ample fun along the way and met many “interesting” people.

For a good month or so during our Funke cohabitation, Russ saw a girl named “Brandy.” (**)  I don’t know where he met her, and I don’t know why...but the two of them apparently hit it off on some level I never really understood.  As that month progressed, it was safe to say during this period that if Russ was home, Brandy was there with him.  Normally I wouldn't mind this sort of thing since I can get along with anyone,  but my God was she annoying.  Wow.  She had a voice that made your spine brittle.  In addition to her annoying voice, this girl was not attractive - not even a little bit.  Every time I saw her, I was never sure if she was drunk, high, or if that was just the way she was.

So it is understandable that there were nights when I did not want to go home from work and have to face the ugly-annoying-but really nice-Brandy.  Plus I could never figure out what Russ had going with this girl since he wasn't a bad looking guy himself. The only thing I could think of was sex, which couldn’t have been pretty either.  The thought of those two pasty-white animals doing the “devil’s deed” would give anyone nightmares.  Pasty white.

Anyway, late one night I was home alone studying for some big test I had the next day when there was a knock on the door.  Much to my disappointment, I answered it to find “Brandy” standing there (all annoying and pasty) looking for Russ. I told her I had no idea where he was, but that I did expect him soon as he had class early the next the morning.  She asked if she could wait, and I said sure.

So instead of leaving me to my studying and going to watch TV, she decided she wanted to be M-F’n chatty and kept trying to strike up a conversation.  Eventually I gave in, took a break and engaged her in conversation about God knows what.  FINALLY after a painful half-hour of talking to Brandy, Russ came rolling through the door.  PISS. ASS. DRUNK.

This is no shock to me because.....well this is Russ.  He and I were good friends and I knew Russ likes to drink.  This is what he does.  I have no problem with this. I'd seen it before. I'd see it again and again.

Russ seemed moderately surprised to see Brandy, and talked to her for a few minutes.  FINALLY after a few minutes of painfully obvious intoxication on Russ’ part, Brandy goes:  “Russ, have you been drinking?”  My brain was hurting at this point due to the lack of intelligence this poor girl had.  Russ had his trademark rosy and flushed drinking face going on, and also sported a boyish grin that just completed the package.  He let out a trademark “Russ” laugh and I laughed at this.  You could just see the wheels moving inside this girl’s head (albeit slowly).  She then began with the “Why are you drunk?” “Where have you been?” questions every girlfriend asks when their guy F's up.  Then she put 2 and 2 together, came up with 5, and realized that he probably drove home that way too.  Now, while I don’t necessarily support the driving thing, I was not his guardian.  He knew if he was really f’d up he could call me and I’d come get him.  Again predictably Russ laughed, thus making me laugh again.  Brandy was having none of this.  She turns to me and is just beside herself.  “He drove home drunk!  Why are you laughing?  You are his roommate and friend! You should care!”

After I was able to stifle my giggles, I told her that I don’t condone the behavior, but I was not his parent.  Plus he was going to do what he wanted anyway.  At this comment, Russ let out another obnoxious drunk laugh. - which in turn made me laugh again.  That was all Brandy must have been able to handle because she immediately went into the other room.  Russ followed her, and then I heard her leave a minute later. 

Russ appeared in our room a few minutes later as he changed out of his clothes for bed.  “Is she gone?” I asked.  He let out some more laughs, and as he climbed up into his loft bed, he laughingly said: “Ohhh Mookie.  Yeah she’s gone.”  Then he passed out.

I think he slept well.

(*)         Name changed to protect the guilty/innocent

(**)       Name is made up because I have no idea what that girl’s name is anymore.